Where is my "Play" CD?
Editor's Note: After this editorial ran, Blizzard contacted us to get in touch with Talon. Susan Sams, PR director at Blizzard, arranged for a new CD for him to arrive overnight. "We apologize for the response you received," she said in her email to Talon. "It is definitely not in line with our company policy."

I've been really busy lately, so there are a ton of games I need to play just to catch up. Looking on my desktop, I've got the PC version of Metal Gear Solid, one of the Blair Witch games, Diablo 2, and the obligatory links to Quake 3 Arena, Q3 Rocket Arena, and Unreal Tournament. Q3 and UT are basically what I play when I don't want to think at all -- which probably explains why I get spanked regularly online when I do play. Blair Witch appeals to me (despite the reviews, I might add), but I'm not in that kind of mood. Same goes for Metal Gear Solid -- I just can't get over the fact that our pal Solid Snake goes in completely unarmed. My patience for that stealth stuff only lasts so long. I mean, Gordon Freeman I can buy being unarmed (although with extensive weapons training in his childhood by all appearances), but the ultimate counter-terrorist operative goes in naked? So what does that leave? Ah…Diablo 2! Just the thing, since I haven't had time to even begin playing it.

Let me just drag out my Collector's Edition set of CDs….what the? Where the *#&@ is my play CD???!! Hmm…I'll look for it…

This is the scenario that plays out in my office at least once a week. Finally, I owned up to the fact that somehow, somewhere, I have lost - or someone (maybe my dog -- Beagles will eat anything) has stolen my Play CD. CD#2 is missing, so I basically have an incomplete set of $80.00 coasters on my hands. To make matters worse, everyone I know has long since finished the game. ARGH! I am officially a loser. So, finally resigned to my fate, I emailed Blizzard Tech support.

Here's the e-mail I sent:

I've got a problem. I can't find my Play disc for Diablo 2 anywhere. My CD code is: XXXX-XXXX-XXXX-XXXX. I bought the Collector's edition months ago, but can't play because I don't have the Play disc - What can I dor Do I need to send you one of my other discs as proof so I can get a replacement?
CW

Despite my obvious embarrassment at being so lame, stupid, etc…I really thought I'd get instructions back on how to replace my lost disc. Surprise, surprise.

From Blizzard Tech Support:

Hi,
Sorry. If you lost a disc, you will have to buy another game.
Thanks,
[name withheld]
Blizzard Entertainment Technical Support

The culprit
WTF?! This can't be an actual response, can it? I mean, I could understand needing to send them my firstborn to prove that I'm not some code-stealing, pirating, warez-grabbing idiot just looking for a free game (which, BTW, is already ISO'd on several warez sites as it is). What I didn't expect is this sort of…of…I don't know what this is, to tell the truth. But I do know that it sucks. Does he really think I'm going to say, "OK…better pony up some more cash for a game I already own!?"

I responded to them:

WHAT??? I CANNOT believe that this is your response. I paid $80.00 for your game already -- there has to be some way I can prove I have it and get a replacement. You call this tech support???

No response from Blizzard, and I sent that last one on 12/7/00.

Next: More adventures through Hell...