GameSpy welcomes reader submissions for our editorial department. Enclosed is an essay from the illustrious Professor Choak, a leading Pokemon authority whose unorthodox views have been sadly shunned by the mainstream media. In the interests of equal time we have given him a voice here today. Submit your essays to the GameSpy Editorial Department!
Dear friends, I stand before you on behalf of a just cause. Today's Pokemon trainers all too often wallow in frivolity while overlooking a vital need, blind to the necessity of a more definitive, self-affirming course of action. I speak, of course, of evil.
In oft-misquoted literature, evil in our society is ludicrously portrayed as being "bad" or "wrong." I do not concur. "Evil, be thou my good," says John Milton. Friend, consider this. What creature of thought has not, from the moment of their first contemplative glances at the world about them, asked the ephemeral questions that define us as rational beings: "Who am I? Why am I here? Was I born merely to train small furry creatures skilled in the arts of combat to duel to the death?" As a rational being, the conclusion is self-evident -- that we cannot exist merely to be, but to leave the world in a better state than it was upon our entry. To raise our race to even higher achievements, leaving our progeny behind to complete our great work and advance our ascent into Godhood -- to extend our reach to the stars above. "The evil that men do lives after them," Shakespeare claims in Julius Caesar. Too true, too true.
Progress, then, is the goal of the rational being; and the defining characteristic of progress is indeed struggle. For without struggle there is no innovation. This is proven to us every moment of every day, where we see even in the animal kingdom that only Pokemon engaged in continuous, ball-busting combat are chosen to evolve into higher beings capable of engaging in ever greater acts of wanton destruction. If progress is our goal and innovation will achieve it, then we must seek to create struggle, to shake loose the shackles of convention and destroy all that stands for the contemporary civil order -- a regime tyrannical in its foolish, suicidal attempt to retain normalcy in a world that demands so much more. We must seek to end this tyranny of truth and love.
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And who better to generate struggle than evil? I ask, what other single driving influence has created more mayhem upon our fair earth than whole, unadulterated, unabashed evil? None. Let us concentrate, then, on how we as individuals can sow the seeds of glorious wholescale destruction into our everyday lives, that we may reap the fruits of progress. "We all enter this world in the same way: naked, screaming, soaked in blood," says Dana Gould. "If you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there." Words to live by indeed! And I submit to you, dear friends, that there is no greater tool for the propagation of evil than Pokemon.
The Anatomy of Evil
Being evil is not easy. I have spent the majority of my life perfecting my own evil -- working it, shaping it, studying it, refining it. In the words of Henrik Tikkanen, "Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence." Take evil seriously! Far too many of my students sally forth with untrained, chaotic evil. They act as though contaminating a local water supply with powerful hallucinogens and then marching into town after dressing their Wigglytuff as the prophet Mohammed is enough to warrant praise. Think people, think!
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The Subtle Undertones of Evil |
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LISTEN ...to a well-behaved Squirtle Pokemon |
LISTEN ...for the behavioral nuances of a truly evil Squirtle Pokemon |
Next: How to choose a Pokemon born and bred for evil...
