Her name is World of Warcraft. She responds to all the nice things I do. When I go see her, she shows me a very good time -- I have 16 quests in my log that all sound like good fun. She's low maintenance, too -- she doesn't need me to bring my whole crew when we spend time together. I can play solo, and still get rewarded. She doesn't even trip when I spend some time away from her, which, god knows, happens too often, when you're a working man. In fact, she shows me just how glad she is to see me, the minute I return. I haven't touched her all day, and I wager I got about two thousand bonus XP waiting for me when I get back. Damn, she's sweet, and I don't think I've ever met one like her.

World of Warcraft = Sexual Healing.

She ain't perfect, I'll admit. You know -- boys like me are a little old fashioned, and World of Warcraft is a little fast. But you know; I can get used to that. If it leads to good fun in the end, then it's all for the better, right? And who knows; maybe when she matures, she'll show me that she's in it for long haul. I know that a nicely fleshed-out PvP system will show me she's serious. Till then, I'll remain enthusiastic, but cautious. I've been burned before. Besides, I'm a straight-up (MMORPG) player. I don't love them games. Once you start to love them, they walk all over you. Look what FFXI did. I been around the block, kid. I ain't trying to go out like that.

[Miguel Lopez doesn't normally personify the games that he plays, but what can we say? He's a lonely man. Hopefully, his current "game" will treat him well, and it'll all be for the best.]