Publisher: Namco
Console: TurboGrafx-16
Wii Points: 800 ($8.00 USD)
Our feelings toward downloadable games are always a bone of contention around the office. Some people find that the nostalgia factor keeps many a game charming, while others decry the majority of downloadable classics as inferior to the original games now being created for consoles.
We all agree, however, that Namco's Splatterhouse, the closest thing most average American gamers experienced to a horror game until Resident Evil some six years later, has aged as well as Mickey Rourke.
Look at him in those Skinemax movies back in the day, with all of those hot girls throwing themselves on him. Then look at him now. In fact, take eight dollars, and go buy a copy of "Wild Orchid" on DVD. It's better-spent cash, and frankly less embarrassing to own.
Splatterhouse finds players in the role of Rick, who is killed and resurrected by an occult mask. He must punch, kick, and 2x4 his way back to rescue his abducted girlfriend. Along the way, players encounter a variety of nasties whom Rick must beat and splatter. Back in 1990, this was edgy. Then again, so was a My Buddy doll that sounded like Grima Wormtongue and cursed like a twelve year-old on Xbox Live. Players are also treated to a variety of awful soundtracks that we'd have preferred to keep buried in the memory hole.
Needless to say, our fond memories of Splatterhouse were tainted by replaying the real thing, which hasn't stood the test of time. Thumbs down.
Romance of the Three Kingdoms IV: Wall of Fire
Publisher: Koei
Console: Super NES
Wii Points: 800 ($8.00 USD)
I know someone's going to flame me for this, but seriously, to me playing this series is like watching paint dry. In the midst of discussing RotTK, we started discussing the absolute niche-ness of these games, and I recalled hearing a story about how someone skipped their university courses for a week to beat Nobunaga's Ambition on NES. So yes, some folks like them... folks that aren't writing this column.
On the bright side, there's a reason that Koei has managed to grind out Romance of the Three Kingdoms games since the '80s: they completely appeal to their audiences, from strategy-geared titles to more action-focused cash cows like Dynasty Warriors. Wall of Fire is touted as one of the best in the series; it managed to appear on not only SNES, but Saturn and PlayStation as well.
With that in mind, if you're hardcore into RoTK, this should be a nice trip down memory lane, and eight dollars well spent. We acknowledge that there are people out there who love this series, but we don't expect our parents and grandparents to jump into the joys of micromanaging a Chinese dynasty. For more casual audiences, we're feeling more like it's a thumbs down.
