The L-Shaped Block is the Most Feared
Fargo: Here we have a battle of an old-school great vs. some other school, vaguely new-ish. I, for one, can't wait to see the results of this, what I'd like to call an "L-Shaped Throwdown." It's the long-awaited return of the L-Shaped Tetris Block! I get this overwhelming feeling of "Deja Doo," the sensation that you've stepped in something before. Of course, I don't know if I trust our readers after they voted down the Soul Calibur in last week's catastrophe. My sword gently weeps!

shaithis: Well, this week's match should be a good one. We haven't heard much from the L-shaped block lately, a perennial GameSpy favorite. We first met him right here on the GameSpy Grudge Back in November 1999. He went on to take third place in the GameSpy Grudge Championships that next year, and he even got a cameo in our New Year's Top 10 and made a grisly walk-on during our Top Ten Disasters at Diablo's Memorial Day Barbecue. But then what happened to him?

Fargo: Like all childhood stars, fame must've been too much of a burden on "da 'el." He started hitting the Laudanum pretty hard, and then he took to smoking Riccola. You can hardly understand a word he says nowadays. He makes Ozzy Osbourne sound like James Earl Jones.

shaithis: Yah, back in '99 he would shout bible verses laced with obscenities at the top of his lungs. By '01 he would shout nothing but obscenities, laced with bible verses. Last year they had him on TechTV for a five minute spot and they had to subtitle him, except the only uncensored word out of his mouth was "Jonah." Then they had to cut to commercial when he tried to kneecap Mario with a Swiffer WetJet.

Fargo: I replay that on my TiVo, over and over and over...

shaithis: Actually, to be quite honest Fargo, I think the "L" is past his prime. He's what, pushing 30? He's 4-bit. Time has marched on.

Fargo: Now, there I think you're wrong. The L-Shaped Tetris block may have lived life harder than his brothers (like the square, who was ... square) but he still rocks the drop. He's like the Rolling Stones. They can still jam, they're just older and twice as ugly.
        (...Which, admittedly, is horrific).

shaithis: But you look at what he's up against. The blue diamond from Bejeweled! This is the new goods. The game is fast on its way to becoming the most downloaded PC game ever. Millions are addicted to it. Blue Diamond, he's the "face" of Bejeweled. He's got the moves, he's got the style. They call him the "Pimp-Czar" of the Bejeweled family.

All the Girls Love da Jewel
Fargo: True, he is what Will Smith would call "The New Hotness." And he looks good on camera -- he's all about the Bling-Bling. Come to think of it, he is the Bling-Bling.

shaithis: So this might be the end of the L-Shaped Tetris Block as we know him. A crushing defeat. I don't want to see it, either, but I'm just saying it's a possibility.

Fargo: I appreciate your candor, snuffynipples. But let's look at what we're dealing with: This isn't about sparkly gems all in a line. Tetris was a game of destruction, where the object was to tear down. It's time for pretty blue-boy to face facts: he steps into the ring with Tha L-Shape, and THIS IS GOON HOCKEY.

shaithis: True, no doubt we're going to see a real pounding here.

Fargo: BACK TO YOUR LUCKY CHARMS, BLUE DIAMOND!

shaithis: Fargo, you can't take this match personally.

Fargo: [Barks a stream of unprintable expletives, interspersed with wisdom from Buddha.]